Overcoming Shame

Shame is something we each have felt at some point in our lives. Shame is different from guilt, in that shame is the feeling that "I am bad," whereas guilt is "I did something bad." Shame is rooted in our belief of lacking value or worth. Guilt is rooted in our mistakes. Guilt is healthy; it helps us make better choices, and move in a positive direction. Shame is toxic; it makes us feel worthless and makes us avoid the people and situations we need to face. Guilt moves us to improve ourselves. Shame immobilizes us.

Shame colors how we view ourselves. Shame says we are worthless, inadequate, and unwanted. These messages usually come from trauma or abuse, childhood experiences, things we are told, or other life experiences. When we view ourselves through these lenses and continually tell ourselves these things, we begin to view them as fact. Shame grows when kept to yourself.

You can't run from shame. It stays with you like a grey cloud that colors everything around you. The best antidote for shame is honesty and transparency with those you trust. Yes, we all make mistakes and fail in some way. Failing doesn't mean you are a failure. The mistakes you make DO NOT define you. If you have done something wrong, admit it, and make it right. Don't run or hide from it. If you do run and hide, you will end up alone.

Dealing with shame is not easy. Often the road is long and dark. Walking through the feelings of shame can make you feel alone. It can be difficult to see that something better lies on the other side. I have found that the best way to deal with shame and its feelings is to expose and confront it head-on. So often we hide it because it feels so ugly, scary, and unforgivable. But bringing it into the light is the only way to make the darkness leave. 

Shame likes to keep us isolated, anxious, and hidden. We were not built for that. We were built to live in community and relationships. Genesis shows us that God lives in community with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. God also shows us that man was not created to be alone. Through both these examples, God shows us we are created to be fully and deeply known.

When shame is exposed to the truth of who God created us to be, and the example He has shown us, it cannot stand up to that. Shame would have us believe we are worthless, unwanted, and inadequate. In Christ, we are new creations, His children, deeply known and loved. He says that in Him we are valued, accepted, loved, and fully known. Christ desires that we would break free from the hold shame has on us. It is possible with His help and with the support and help of those around you.