Acknowledging Abuse

Abuse. It is a painful, ugly word for anyone who has experienced it at the hand of another person. Regardless of what type, abuse carries long-lasting effects that take time to heal. It can be easy to think that abuse is something that happens elsewhere, surely not to anyone we are close to or know. Unfortunately, the statistics of abuse are very high.

I know what it feels like to be emotionally abused by being told that I am worthless. I know what it feels like to be physically abused, to be shaken by and scared of a person who should be safe. I know what it feels like to be verbally abused. When the person doing the abusing is someone who is an authority figure in your life, it can be so easy to begin believing that you deserve what is happening, when that is far from the truth.

For a long time, I was unwilling and unable to acknowledge that what I had experienced as a child was abuse. But ignoring what happened will not make it go away. As a child whose family dynamics looked so different from what I saw in families around me, I realized that what I saw in my family wasn't normal, but I didn't know how to change it.

It can be so easy to dismiss someone's story when it looks different from your own. It is easier to look into a situation and pass judgment than to step into the mess and be there. But when someone is in the middle of abuse, sometimes all they need are for people to sit and listen, to feel supported, even though that can be so hard. It is not easy sitting by someone in pain when it feels like there is not much you can do to change their circumstances. But I promise you, your presence and support mean the world to them.

So often our response to messy situations is to sweep them under the rug because that feels easier than to step in and help. But when we do nothing, we are doing more harm than good. I have been in therapy for the last year to deal with the trauma that childhood abuse has left behind. In working through the impact that childhood abuse and trauma leave, I have learned that being silent helps no one but the abuser. Any shame that may have come from being abused is not for me to carry. Any responsibility for that abuse belongs to the abuser, not to me.

Silence is never the answer when it comes to abuse. It may seem like the easier option, but I promise you, in the end, it does more harm. You may ask yourself; how do I help someone I know that is in an abusive situation? My encouragement to you is to be there for them. Pray for them, support them, listen to them, and ultimately, believe them. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.